Confession #2.

I'm a control freak.


I have this constant need to be in control of everything and anything. If it's not my way, it's the high way. Group projects: I have to be the leader even if it means doing extra work. In the kitchen: If Aaron doesn't mix this the right way or stir that fast enough, I just take over. This is definitely something I need to work on, but it's not exactly easy to do. If I'm not in control, I get super stressed. 


I have an unhealthy relationship with stress.


Sometimes I do it to myself on purpose... I load myself up with a million hard classes, tons of hours at work, and I add some community service in on top of that. In a way, it's good for me because when I'm not busy, I'm bored. On the other hand, when I'm too busy I get so stressed out that I break down. Right now I'm trying to plan my classes for next quarter... I can't decide whether to take sixteen quarter hours or twelve. Aaron will be in Power School, so I don't want to have too much free time on my hands, but I don't want to be so busy that when Aaron gets a free moment to talk, I'm  not available. Ahhhh. 


I've had a bit of a stressful week, can you tell?

P.S. The picture is totally random, but that's my feet and my niece's feet. We have the COOLEST matching bright pink converse. :)

Honors Essay- Lone Survivor

I read Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell this summer, and I loved it. It's become my favorite book I've read... ever! That's a pretty huge accomplishment. ;) But anyways, when the College of Charleston had an essay for their honors college about a recent book I've read, I immediately knew what I would write about. I'm pretty proud of it, so I figured I'd publish it here. :)

Prompt: Consider the books you have read in the last year or two either for school or for leisure. Please discuss the way in which one of them has changed your understanding of the world, other people, or yourself.

     When I picked up Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell, all I knew was the subject: Navy SEALs. I never imagined I was about to discover the most eye-opening book I had ever read before. I have always had the utmost respect for the members of our Armed Forces. Coming from a military family including grandfathers, uncles, cousins, and a brother, I had an idea of what these men and women did for us. I knew they fought for our freedom, and I knew that they endured long periods of time without their loved ones in order for us to stay with ours. What I did not know was the intricate details of their jobs such as the politics they dealt with and their loyalty.

     Luttrell is a part of our nation’s most elite group of men: the Navy SEALs. He has endured intense physical and mental training in order to have the SEAL title, and he fully deserves every ounce of respect and trust just as every other SEAL does. One might be surprised about the small amount of respect and trust these men get from our government: “And those ROE are very specific: we may not open fire until we are fired upon or have positively identified our enemy and have proof of his intentions. Now, that’s all very gallant…How about when a bunch of guys brandishing AK-47s come charging over the horizon straight toward you? That situation might look simple in Washington…” (Luttrell 37). When a group of our Armed Forces is approached by a group of unidentifiable men with large weapons, does our government really expect them not to fire upon the assumed enemy? How would YOU react if any person came at you with a gun? Luttrell allowed me to realize the politics these men deal with. If they shoot a potential enemy whom the government deems an “innocent civilian,” they could very well be prosecuted for murder. I now firmly believe that these men should be given the rights needed to perform their missions sufficiently; I’m sure a trained Navy SEAL is intelligent enough to decide when his life is in danger and when it is not.

       Just as any branch, company, division, or platoon, the Navy SEALs are extremely dedicated and passionate about the job they do. There is no way any person could make it through their intense training without being fully committed to the purpose of the SEALs. During their training a philosophy is beat into their brains: “‘I will never quit…My Nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates…I am never out of the fight’” (Luttrell 235). The SEALs are not only out there fighting for the American citizens, but they are also fighting for each other. They fight to protect our freedoms, and they fight to keep each other alive. Even when they don’t agree with the purpose of the war, they’re still loyal: “Search me. But everything’s cool with us. Tell us what you want, and we’ll do it. We’re loyal servants of the U.S. government” (Luttrell 169). These men are given orders. They may not agree with them, they may not like them, they may know they will probably be killed during the mission, but they do it anyways. No matter what the orders may be, these men perform their duties professionally, thoroughly, and loyally. Before Luttrell opened my eyes to the world of the SEALs, I never realized how dedicated so many members of our military are. Have you ever stopped to think about what they do daily in order to protect America? Leaving their families behind, they gear up and ship out—that alone shows immense amounts of dedication.

     The Navy SEALs and every other member of our Military from the Coast Guard to Sailors to Infantrymen, fulfill their job requirements everyday so we can peacefully live at home. Luttrell showed me what being a member of the military really entails. Not only do they have to protect our freedoms, but they also have to deal with politics. Not only do they have to protect our freedoms, but they want to do so; some of these men have dreamt of protecting their country since the time they were in elementary school. I’ve realized that just because these men sign up to protect us, doesn’t mean we should take them for granted. Make sure the next time you pass a serviceman or woman, you thank them for the wonderful job they do of protecting our country.

"Planning"

Let me start by saying that hardly anyone likes the guidance counselor at my high school. She's extremely controlling, and like many other counselors, pries into your life. This year she decided to meet with all the juniors and seniors to discuss their future plans and how to get there. 

In my meeting, I mentioned that I was "planning" on marrying into the Navy. She gave me a surprised look and replied, "So your boyfriend is in the Navy." My answer was obviously civil, and I kindly told her yes. That he went through boot camp earlier this year, and is in school in South Carolina. Being the ignorant civilian she is, she had no idea what any of this meant. She went on to drill me with questions of where I'm going to college and how I plan to make this fit into the military lifestyle... things that I've been thinking of forever! 

When I thought about our conversation later that day, all I could think was: If I'm planning to marry into the Navy, what else would it mean besides my boyfriend is in it. Does she really think that I would go out from Navy base to Navy base to find the perfect husband? Besides a "Tag Chaser" who in their right mind would do that!? 

99% of military wives don't "choose" to marry the military. Does anyone really want to be their husband's mistress while military is their wife? Does anyone truly want to go months upon months without seeing their husband? Is there any girl out there who can honestly say they've dreamed of being a military wife since the time they were a little girl? Not really. If there is, she's a rarity. 

Most of us just fall in love. We fall in love with a boy who happens to belong to someone else. In some cases, we fall in love and then the military takes control while in others we come after the military. No matter which order, no one "plans" to marry into the military, it just happens. Of course, most of us would agree that we wouldn't trade it for the world, but it was never our plan. We're just girls who fell in love. Who can blame us? 

Simplicity.

As I was reading At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks tonight at work, I came across a passage that really made me think. I wanted to share:

" 'Like I said, you're in this together. Men have certain needs, women have different needs; that's the way it was hundreds of years ago, and that's the way it's going to be hundreds of years from now. If you both realize that, and you both work on meeting each other's needs, you'll have a good marriage. And part of that, for both of you, is trust. In the end, it's that simple.' "

It really is that simple, isn't it? Trust. Such a simple concept, but so hard to do sometimes: I'm not sure there's a couple out there that doesn't struggle with trust at some point. Whether it's trusting the other person with finances or trusting the other person when they're out with friends, you need that trust in a relationship. And as far as the needs go--how true! Men have certain needs and women have others. Most of the time they're not the same, but you really have to compromise in order to get a balance. Example. My need: time to talk to him about both of our days and things that have been on our minds. His need: a stress outlet--video games and alcohol. As frustrated as I get when he ignores me while he's letting out all his stress from school, I've had to learn to let him go. And trust me, I'm still learning. Meanwhile, I'm not afraid to get upset when I get ignored too much. He doesn't seem to notice when I'm feeling neglected... Once he knows what the problem is, he usually takes more time to talk to me. Most of the time that's a weekly cycle. :)

Here's another:

"Doris gave a knowing smile. 'Yes, you do. But my hope is that you remember this when you're married. If you think it's tough now, wait until then. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it will. But as long as you remember that he loves you and you love him--and both of you remember to act that way--you'll be just fine.'" 

This one hit me hard. No matter what curveball life throws at you, as long as you love each other, and remember that you do, you'll come out of the ups and downs of life just fine. We have our good days and our bad days, but every morning when I wake up to a new day, I remember how much I love him and that I never want to live without him.

Love you baby. :)

Confession #1.

Am I the only one who gets tired of the negative attitude and being the positive one? I know I do. I do my best to be happy for both of us, and I think I've done okay all summer. Now that school is starting back up and I have my own things to stress about, I think this may become a problem. I'm freaking out about a Spanish placement test that I have to take and when I was trying to talk about it to my sailor, he acted like I was all worked up over nothing. Okay, so maybe it's nothing to get extremely worked up over, but it kind of drives me nuts. He went on about, "The world is bowing down to me." and, "I would do anything to have what you have." When I try to tell him that he could have had what I have, he denies it and tells me that it's not in the cards for everyone. I know that. Not everyone has academics come easy to them, but if he would APPLY himself then maybe he would have had the opportunities I do. I know he can do better than what he is, but he just doesn't care enough. It drives me crazy when I know if he just puts in the extra hour or two a night, his test grades go up. So don't complain to me about not having opportunities when you don't apply yourself. To those of you who do apply yourselves and still don't get all the great opportunities, good for you. You tried! You did the best you could and at least you know that you really couldn't get that top honor or that A... You're the best students out there.

To those of you who waste away your talents and smarts, get off your lazy ass and do something with the life you've been given.

A Fresh Start

Here I am. The beginning of my Senior year. Excited? Yes. Stunned? Yes. Everyone always told me that my senior year would be year before I knew it, and that high school would fly by. I didn't really believe them... Who does?

I decided Sunday night to get a fresh start in my clothing department. I tackled one drawer, then another, and another, and before I knew it, I had watched four episodes of Army Wives, all my drawers were cleaned out, and I had a basket full of clothes I haven't worn in months (or years). So instead of going to bed, what did I do? You've got it. I tackled the closet.... Another basket full of clothes later, I felt refreshed.

I couldn't just stop there, oh no. When I woke up the next morning, I organized my new school supplies before deciding that a corner by my bed needed to be cleaned. A trash bag full of junk and a pound of dust later, I felt super accomplished. I ate lunch and helped my mom get some stuff together to give away. That's when I decided that I wanted a desk in my room. I had one in my room when I was younger (before I stole my older sister's room), but it was full of junk. I didn't really plan it, it just sort of happened. I cleaned out the spot where I wanted the desk (another trash bag full of junk) and told my mom I wanted to move in the desk when I got home from work. When I got home from work, my mom had enlisted my dad's help in moving the desk. One last trash bag full of junk later, I had an empty desk in my room! It didn't take me long to move all my stuff into it. The only problem: I needed a chair. And my big, comfy, round reading chair was now in a dark corner in my room. Solution: WALMART. :)

I sort of feel like I moved into a dorm room... but I'm still stuck in my small town in the middle of nowhere, I still have to go to high school tomorrow, and I still have to listen to my parents. GREAT. Oh well. One step closer to college, right?

For now I have a fresh start to my senior year. It's funny how an organized room can change my whole outlook on the year. Senior year: Here I come.

Busy Bee.

Am I the only one that has to keep extremely busy while their SO is gone/not with you? Sometimes I go out of my way to create things to do in order to keep busy. Yes, I'm nuts. If I'm not stressed, I'm bored.  When I get bored, I get depressed. So I choose to stay busy. :)

Let's see... Thursday I went up to the college I'll be taking classes at this year with a girl who graduated from my high school last year. Our boyfriends went through boot camp at the same time (January-March). Mine, Navy. Hers, National Guard. We both sat at the edges of our lunch tables and I just so happened to see a letter in her hand one day. I have to admit, I would get pretty jealous when she would have letter days and I wouldn't, but I'm sure she felt the same way when I got my letters on days she didn't. It was always exciting when we both had letter days. :) ANYWAYS. We ventured up to get our books for fall quarter, and we found where our classes will be too. It was extremely nice having someone to relate to come along with me. Thanks, Amanda. :)

Friday was Queen Pageant crowning. No crown for me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset at all that I didn't place. Oh well. Life moves on. I'm still extremely proud of my talent. I played flute, but instead of just a boring old flute solo, I did a tribute to our troops. I made a slideshow of pictures to play in the background while I played an arrangement of the military songs, made a small speech about appreciating our military, and then played God Bless America. On the second verse, I invited the audience to sing along while I played. THEY DID! I had to try to keep from crying when they all started singing along. Definitely made my night! I've had a ton of people from around town tell me that they loved my talent, or that they cried, or that they appreciated that I did that. One even admitted that she bawled because her brother was his sixth tour to Iraq! I was so glad that I could put the military into the minds of the people from my small town. Sometimes we feel like we live in a world where nothing bad ever happens: that's not true. So many men and women put their lives on the line for us every single day, and we don't even think about them--none the less, thank them.

Saturday was crazy. Cheer competition. Report time: 0700. Emily hears her alarm: 0650. Emily's first thought: Shit. Don't worry, I made it in time. However, I owe my mom a big thank you to running my belongings that I forgot up to the school for me. Thanks, Mom. :) After cheer and work, I was exhausted. I got some nourishment and some rest. Once I felt alive again, my family took me shopping. Very therapeutic. :)

I got burnt on Sunday. Our little town festival concludes every year with a parade on the Sunday of the weekend. Since I was a pageant contestant, I got to be in the parade. Woot, woot. My aunt drove her sweet, silver, convertible Porsche for me. Very cool ride. I wore a red dress with black converse. I love my converse. :) As the day went on, I discovered that my cheeks were becoming increasingly red. Ah well. At least I was wearing the dress I'll wear for homecoming. :) For the rest of the day I watched Army Wives, did laundry, talked to my man, and cleaned out my drawers and closet. Definitely a productive day. :)

If I've discovered anything this weekend, it's this: As much as I love my small town that I come from, I'm ready to get out. I've put in my time here, and I've done what is expected of me. Scratch that. I've done MORE than what's expected of me. Now it's my turn. I need to get out of here to experience the world for myself a little. Sure, it's going to be sad leaving, and yes, I'll be back often to visit and maybe even to live eventually. But for now, I'm ready for an adventure. I'm tired of being surrounded by people who've known me my whole life and who judge me for who I used to be. There are so many wonderful (and not so wonderful) people out there that I'm ready to meet. I'm ready to take chances, make mistakes, fall even more in love with my sailor, and find some new friends (but not forget the old). I'm really ready to take on the world, but for now, I'm still waiting to turn 18...

Time. Patience. Determination.

Those three words pretty much sum up my day. 


I made myself get up early (not an easy task!) in order to get everything accomplished. By 10:00 I had mixed cookie dough and was ready to bake. I watched the replay of the Queen Pageant I was recently in. The crowning for it is Friday! Ahhh! Okay, so before you get the wrong impression, no, I'm not some stuck up girl who's obsessed with beauty and pageants. Our little town has a Queen pageant every year, and the girls who are rising seniors are allowed to participate. It means scholarship money. Gotta pay for college somehow. :)


Anyways, I managed to hit up the library. I got kind of upset because they STILL don't have my season of Army Wives in! It's been "In Transit" for over a week, and several libraries have copies in! After that, I went up to pay school fees and talk to the Spanish teacher. Turns out, I'm going to have to take three quarters of college Spanish in order to get 1 high school credit. Bullshit? I think so. Hopefully I can get that straightened out with the guidance counselor tomorrow.


I mailed out my blanket and some delicious cookies to Aaron. Hopefully they don't get lost in the mail room down in Goose Creek. That tends to happen a lot. I want those cookies fresh when they arrive. The post office lady was kinder to me than she was yesterday. Yesterday when I tried to buy a sheet of stamps, she was very unfriendly. Not to mention, I handed her a twenty and she gave me a dollar and twenty cents in change. WHAT!? Last time I checked, a sheet of stamps was only $8.80! I made sure I got my ten dollars back. :)


For the remainder of the day, I've been attached to my computer. I added some pages that I'm pretty stoked about. This thing is finally starting to come together. It's been requiring all of my patience, but once I accomplish something (like that sweet photo reel thing that I'm going to make even sweeter tomorrow), I feel like I'm on top of the world. Definitely a confidence booster. :) 


The page will still be changing, at least until I start classes and get rid of some of this spare time. I can be glad that I didn't decide to try this blog thing sooner.... there's no way I could have done this all summer AND read fifteen or sixteen books. Oh well, summer is coming to an end and so is my extreme amounts of free time. Being busy is good. Keeps my mind off my sailor. Am I the only one that goes crazy when I have nothing to do but sit and think about him? I can't even watch T.V. without doing something else. Hurray for homework! Boy, I never thought I'd hear the day when I'd say that.


Off to read a few pages before sleep. Goodnight all. :)

P.S. Since it's technically the 18th now, I can officially say Happy 2nd Birthday to my adorable niece, Lily. What a cutie. :)

Up and Running

Okay. After hours upon hours of trying to make this silly thing look the way I want it to, I'm giving up... for now. I have a long "to-do" list and I've done nothing but make a signature today-which, by the way, I'm SUPER proud of. :) Check it out when you get to the bottom!


I decided yesterday to try this blogging thing out. Why not, right? I'm always looking for ways to fill my time, and I believe this just may be my biggest time-sucker yet. I'm an extremely determined person, so when I decide to do something, it will be done. And not just done- done well. If it's not done exactly the way I want, it doesn't leave my mind. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, my blog will be changing over the next few weeks... I just need some time to devote to it. :)


For now I'm off to the post-office to grab some stamps and the school to search out the Spanish teacher. 


Suggestions for my blog? Let me know. :)